i feel lost

hi everyone, ive recently felt the need to become more spiritual, ive read many articles and watched many videos but i still feel like im an outsider looking in to the people that are more at one with themselves, could it be that i do not infact have a spirit guide or angels around me.
bad things tend to happen to me, i push people away, past girlfriends i have pushed away also, and i just feel lost, lonely, and have no purpose.
i have started to meditate, but find myself getting somewhat scared, paranoid, even the little noises that go on around me, i have asked my spirit guide/guides to give me a sign, just 1 sign to show me they are with me, that im not indeed alone, but nothing, its not like i expected to see a big neon flashing sign or anything but i dont see or feel anything even remotely subtle
i have had a hard time in my personal life, ive attempted suicide on 5 different occasions, the last time being a few months ago, i seem to feel negative energy more then anything, although i do have my faults deep down i do have a very kind heart
ive started feeling suicidal again lately, and i generally feel lost, like an animal trapped in a small cage, i dont really know what im asking, perhaps some guidance to show im on the right path, am i doing something wrong??,am i not worthy of being free???, could i even be posessed by a demon?? i dont know what my purpose is,maybe i dont have one and im on this earth to suffer.
i know jealousy and envy are bad traits, but i do feel this towards ppl that already experience love and happiness
what am i doing wrong, do i need to do something more to reach my spiritual side, should i use incense to drive out bad energy/unwanted spirits??
i thankyou for taking the time to read this
love to you all

george

You seem to feel at wit's end.
Although i do not deny the existence of spirit guides or other realms of awareness,
i am quite sure not everyone picks up on it the same way.
I would suggest to take a look at yourself, instead of seeking relieve from the anguish
you might feel at the moment, take a look at how your experience has been set up so that
you are now left with all these sensations, and who is actually feeling them.
Are you fully convinced "you" are something different from your body at this point ?
Suicide seems to involve two parties, one acting and one responding.
It's the same with feeling like a trapped animal, i am assuming that you have
adequate sustenance and shelter at this moment so you could wonder what part of
you it is that feels that way.
I can attest that life can seem quite futile at times, but it might be worthwhile to observe
that the goals which are frequently present are created by an environment and, usually,
most cannot help but be affected by their environment. If you would take a good hard look
at the lives of the people around you, where is the sanity in it?
Even the people feeling loved and happy are in a state which is usually impermanent.
Yet there is no need for them to wonder in solitude to what is going on.
It seems your environment has forced you to self reflect and you are unhappy with
what you came across. So how much of that is actually real, and who is holding expectations.
And maybe more importantly, from where are you observing all these feelings?
Maybe there will be some other replies with great suggestions you could use to
search for a higher spirit, real purpose, and they might be very worthwhile.
If there becomes no clear path apparent, finding the "real me" might be
the closest thing to a "spirit guide" you will find.

And ! to provide some instant relieve !!

(It's an amazing clip about the science of storing kinetic energy)

Yea man, we know how you feel!!!

I want to thank you so much for reaching out and talking to us, I think a lot of the people here feel really good about helping you!

But you are not alone, a lot of people feel the same way, stuck in a rut, not knowing why they are doing what they are doing, hopeless...

But trust me when I say that you are on the right track, by seeking help!!

A few important things I would say up front: If you are drinking or abusing any substances, try your best to get to a support group and get clean and sober ( I'm not sure if you have this going on or not, but it has helped me so much... I've been sober for over a year and try to life my spiritual principals)

There are a few good movies that I would say to watch, in no particular order "The Secret" , "What the Bleep do we know"...

I am not really done with a new site that I am working on, but I think it is appropriate to direct to it. It's called www.TheHealingResource.com ( I only started it a few days ago, so I'm sorry that it looks incomplete.

But then I would say check out some of the videos and e-Books we have.

Most importantly, when you don't know what to do, when you feel misery down to your very core. Try to make yourself smile, make yourself laugh. Remember that you are a valuable part of the Universe. Look into yourself and pray.

Take down your shields and allow yourself to be vulnerable... remember, no one can be strong all the time!

Thanks for posting man... have you checked out anything in the guides section yet? I wrote some pretty good healing articles I think.

Feeling lost is a good start George, it's better than thinking you know where you are, because none of us know that.
It's uncomfortable I know. It's supposed to be. You're being encouraged to get moving.
And you've moved, because here you are.

Your kind heart can take you where you want to be. Let it find expression and you will be who you want to be.
Remember nothing can harm your eternal soul, which had good reason to choose this incarnation for you.
Discovering that, is what I see as our purpose.

Finding the things which feed the soul -- laughter, music, books, beauty, love --
These are the fuels that keep us going.
Get plenty of those.

Hi George.
I was suicidal about 25 yrs ago, but I realized that if I was prepared to give up all that I knew and die I could equally give up all that I knew and LIVE, I decided to live for me, not who or what anyone else expected me to be.
I would suggest you use what you have and 'know' to help you, and that is your kind heart, also I would suggest you slow down and allow your spiritual journey to unfold at it's own pace and don't compare it to anyone else's journey.
When you set your mind to meditate instead of seeking for what you don't know, use what you do, remember the feeling you had/have when you heart is being kind to you, when you see a loved one or a pet or a scene from nature, whatever evokes that feel good memory, call it in, sit with the feeling and let the memory or picture go, the feeling is yours-it's coming FROM you not to you. Don't do any more then this for a few days, just get used to you being able to make yourself feel good or ok or loved.
Here's a couple of meditations you might listen to.
[url=http://] www.paulwilliams.ie/meditations/meditation.html [/url]
Love and Light
Paul

Hello George,

I am 26 years old and I have also felt very lost and been down the path of depression, perhaps not as far down as you, but I believe I can understand what you are going through.

Beginning to meditate was the turning point for me, so I think you are on the right path. It helped me control my emotions and get in-tune with myself. I really think the right application of meditative practice can help anyone overcome their obstacles and find peace of mind and heart.

I have also searched far and wide for the best books and guides on the matter of personal and spiritual growth and I have found a few that give sound, practical and down to earth advice on how to develop the right skills.

I too lacked any sense of having a real purpose in life and I think it is a big part of being depressed for many individuals. Evolutionary Enlightenment, by Andrew Cohen, helped me define my purpose. The book is based on the same ideas that Buddha taught over 2000 years ago; that you need to let go of your ego in order to be free from suffering and that all is in essence one. But he makes it more tangible to modern day men like you and I. The book is also a great source of motivation.

Secondly, Concentration by Mouni Sadhu is a timeless classic that really cuts the crap out. As the name implies, the focus of the book is on how to develop your concentration power - the most fundamental skill in any spiritual path and for taking control over yourself and becoming free of mental and emotional burdens

A good comprehensive guide in audio format is Science of Enlightenment. Shinzen Young (my def #1 favourite spiritual teacher) deals with all aspects of meditation in a straight-forward scientific manner. The series also features a number of useful guided meditations.

Finally, I would like to recommend Richard Bandler's Using Your Brain for a Change. It is not a meditation guide per se but it brings up several useful tools to rewire the mind using a method called Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). One of the techniques help you redefine hurtful memories and another helps you let go of negative emotions. Used together with meditation, I find the techniques are very powerful indeed.

The books and audio program can be bought at amazon.com or downloaded at torrent sites. I can also give them to you as e-books and mp3 if you PM me.

I also think you should keep it as simple as possible to begin with. Stick to a few meditation techniques and don't concern yourself too much with signs of spiritual guides and demons. I believe your mental demons will disperse once you develop your concentration power sufficiently through persistent meditation practice.

I wish you the best of luck in finding the peace of mind you definitely deserve, George.

Kind Regards,
Matt