Internalize This Paradox... or Seek Higher Power?

Hi,
Intellectually, I've known for a while that we are "perfectly imperfect" but emotionally - it bugs me.

IE: When somebody obviously lied to me the other day and reality showed that it was indeed a lie, I feel the need to put up boundaries with that person, like I can't trust her anymore.

Yet, if I did that every time somebody betrayed me (or my ideals of right/wrong), I'd develop so many boundaries, I'd be a lone, miserable person.

Sometimes, I make myself so angry, so disgusted - at how imperfect I am.
I regularly do things counter to what I think/feel is ideal.
I've often heard & taught how important it is to love yourself... but if you're so imperfect - so conditional in your love, as everyone else is, you can't unconditionaly love yourself!

There's this idea, to not trust in the arm of flesh - the ego of us... which is what we use to communicate.
So, what's left?
Seeking a Higher Power - eternal principles of unconditional love?
Still, it seems to be too conflicting - because the means to resonate with unconditional love, is always condtional - always somewhat flawed & fallible.

Are we meant to be left out in the "void" - unattached to anything except abstract principles, who's expression changes constantly & eventually disappoints our expectations?

For what it's worth....

You seem to have this preconceived idea of never getting hurt ( emotionally or physically.)
You claim yourself to be imperfect, and along with that idea you seem to have made a
concept which you use as a measure to what your experience should be.
You can trust certain egos to betray you without fail, if you would act along a premise
of a certain outcome you personally have conceived, it would not be trust.
You can trust that being in conflict with yourself is what is supposed to happen at times.
There is no way you can withhold yourself from having certain experience and in my view
it would even be detrimental.
It's hard to give any practical advice, yet it might be wise to not get caught up in preconceived
notions, which include "acting like you are fine with everything that happens".
If you are honest with yourself and willing to be open to experience things as they come,
you might eventually realize that even the moments in which your initial response might
detest you, those responses are as much part of the whole as anything else.
A human experience seems to be a delicate balancing act all the time, it is possible
to be aware of being out of balance while at the same time the balance point is not
something which can consciously be found. Trust, honesty and a willingness to accept
might be the things that come close to it though.

The only thing that kept going through my head was "expectations cause resentment" , or in other words expecting someone to be "perfect" will always lead to disappointment...

What you can do is accept that every human on earth is a fallible creature, with this very simple truth (which not many people can accept although the evidence is all around us) you can remove every limiting expectation that you may place on humanity and the universe as a whole, and just love it the way it is.

I believe that we are here to learn how to love everyone and everything, which is made easy by a few simple things - you can love the person, but not love what they do; and you can accept that neither you or I are "perfect beings". Perfect in the sense that you will never make a mistake or have poor judgement, and never hurt any person or anything - we may do our best, but really, who are we trying to impress

I just try to be the best Shawn I can be... and you be the best Amore

"pobody's nerfect"

Thanks for putting that so clearly Amore, there's such a lot worth thinking about in your post for me.

It sounds like you are warmer than your immediate surroundings.
That's going to be beneficial for your surroundings.
For you .... not so easy.

If you've chosen a difficult path this time - I'm sure you would have had a good reason.

You've already had better advice than I could offer, so I'll just send my warmest greetings, along with my thanks.

I'm trying to pray again... & I thank you all for your replies in answer to praying for someone special to answer...

Gooseone wrote: For what it's worth....

You seem to have this preconceived idea of never getting hurt ( emotionally or physically.)
You claim yourself to be imperfect, and along with that idea you seem to have made a
concept which you use as a measure to what your experience should be.
You can trust certain egos to betray you without fail, if you would act along a premise
of a certain outcome you personally have conceived, it would not be trust.
You can trust that being in conflict with yourself is what is supposed to happen at times.
There is no way you can withhold yourself from having certain experience and in my view
it would even be detrimental.
It's hard to give any practical advice, yet it might be wise to not get caught up in preconceived
notions, which include "acting like you are fine with everything that happens".
If you are honest with yourself and willing to be open to experience things as they come,
you might eventually realize that even the moments in which your initial response might
detest you, those responses are as much part of the whole as anything else.
A human experience seems to be a delicate balancing act all the time, it is possible
to be aware of being out of balance while at the same time the balance point is not
something which can consciously be found. Trust, honesty and a willingness to accept
might be the things that come close to it though.

Now that you brought my attention to it, I think you are right that I unrealistically expect life to be pain-free... as if pain is the worst thing in the world - it's not, although it can feel like it at times.

I just finished reading, Victor Frankl's Man Search for Meaning... & I think it is perfect timing with your response, Gooseone. What is most important is not pleasure or even happiness, but rather: finding meaning, purpose worth living & even dying for.

I also appreciate your point that it's ok to not be ok with how things go... it's even good & necessary sometimes to motivate positive change. But at some point, or with some issues, there isn't much that can be done except, as you mentioned, "Trust, honesty and a willingness to accept." This reminds me of the serenity prayer...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can & wisdom to know the difference."

xcerca wrote: The only thing that kept going through my head was "expectations cause resentment" , or in other words expecting someone to be "perfect" will always lead to disappointment...

What you can do is accept that every human on earth is a fallible creature, with this very simple truth (which not many people can accept although the evidence is all around us) you can remove every limiting expectation that you may place on humanity and the universe as a whole, and just love it the way it is.

I believe that we are here to learn how to love everyone and everything, which is made easy by a few simple things - you can love the person, but not love what they do; and you can accept that neither you or I are "perfect beings". Perfect in the sense that you will never make a mistake or have poor judgement, and never hurt any person or anything - we may do our best, but really, who are we trying to impress

I just try to be the best Shawn I can be... and you be the best Amore

"pobody's nerfect"

Thanks, Shawn.
I love love!
Defining love is a never ending challenge - but my ideal.
I see love as striving for what is best (or what I think is best) through trial & error.
What you mentioned reminds me of something a friend used to always say (which would often tick people off - not that you ticked me off, )... "Ponder my anger, it is merely the result of my unrealistic expectations."

Expectations are another paradox - the source of both our joy & pain.
Expectations set us up to worship false gods... to cling & attach emotionally to things that are bound to fail. Yet, without expectations, we have no hope, no motivation to explore and pursue our potential.

I think about people who achieved a high consciousness - or stories about them... like the icon of Jesus... full of paradox... "Prince of Peace" - yet, "I came not to send peace, but a sword."

A child who probably didn't study for his science test creatively defined "vibration" as "something that can't decide which way it's going." Maybe this is more true than any other definition - this vibrational energy - tension between paradoxes - both truth - but only when dancing between the two.

For someone who was raised to think in terms of black & white... all these paradoxical combinations seem like a lot of work. Yet, I can choose & live better by considering more.