10 WAYS OF INCREASING YOUR PERSONAL POWER IN THE

1. Are you attractive to yourself?
This is the first step to become attractive to others: What can you do to become more attractive to yourself? We are looking not just at areas such as new clothes or an upgraded make up but things that make you feel good about yourself and raise your energy, such as meeting friends for a chat or joining a dance class. Whatever makes your heart sing!

2. Are you running on energy created from friction or life-drama?
Stand for your own truth. Avoid I win, you lose scenarios and aim for win-win situations. When we co-operate and help each other not only we get a feeling of satisfaction and good-will but also we feel safe that when we need something, there will always be someone who can give us a hand.
In order to achieve this state of being, it is important not to take things personally: ignore other people’s mood swings and stay centred, focusing on your own path. If tempers are hot, duck down and wait until the issue can be raised. You will feel more in control and will not waste energy in unnecessary confrontation.

3. Are you running on adrenaline?
Are you at risk of burning out? Are there any habits that hinder your health that you need to replace with healthy ones?

Create a healthy life balance that will sustain you: time for relaxation, time for enjoying your food, time for spending time with friends and people you love or people who support you unconditionally; time to do an activity that you enjoy and which will release tension and raise your energy; time for recreation; time for self-care. In other words, time for the things that are important to you. Don’t let life pass you by – you only get each opportunity once!

4. Are you in integrity?
Do you say what you think? Do you do what you say? If you lie to yourself or others at any level, you will lose their respect and, even worse, you will lose your own.
Realise that others can see through you: actions speak louder than words, so find out what are you tolerating, what are you procrastinating and giving excuses for …

5. Are you living in guilt?
Is your energy being drained by old experiences that have not been healed or come to terms with yet? Release the past so that you can move forwards to your future.
 
Let go of punishing self-talk and know you always do your best! Even when you do your worst! It is a natural law that we always do our best at our present level of awareness and understanding. Then, as time passes by and we gather more knowledge, we look back and think that we could have done things differently. However, be grateful for who you are today and understand that at all times you did your best, even when you look back and cringe!

6. Are you skills matched by your expectations?
What is needed for you to get there without being threatened by other people’s success? Are you realistic of where you are and where you want to go? Otherwise it is time to do some more growth!
When you find yourself competing with someone else for the same position or for the boss’ attention it is time to look at yourself and decide how much external approval are you seeking and how you can start recognising and acknowledging your own worth, your own value. Only when you feel “worthy” will you stop competing with others because you will then understand that there is only one “you”, that you are special and that nobody can ever take your place. If another person gets the promotion you wanted, it was simply not meant for you so prepare yourself at every level in order to get ready for the next opportunity.

7. Are you a woman’s mind in a man’s world?
Do you feel trapped in a world of competition where nurturing people seems very low in corporations’ agendas? Use the feminine strategies of co-operation, support and creativity to show the “men” that there is another way, that there is room for everyone and that only sharing each others’ strengths we can really accomplish the “big” goals.

8. Are you able to communicate with others without having to impose your opinion or having to justify yourself?
Is this fear of not being approved of, accepted? Do not get validation from external opinions but from your inner knowledge of who you are and from being in alignment with your values.
Is this fear of “being wrong”? (Remember we all have the “right to be”!). We all tend to see things from the perspective that our past, upbringing and circumstances have given us. But change one of these factors and the perspective will change. Breaking away takes courage!

9. How do you interact with your managers?
Do you feel you have to do anything you are asked just because they are in a powerful position? Do you find yourself resenting your superiors’ authority? How can you use your skills for maximum efficiency at work without getting “tangled-up” in a power struggle with people above or below you?
 
10. Do you find yourself reacting to other people’s moods by matching them or taking on other people’s emotional states?
What would you need to do to stay “detached” or neutral, to not be dragged down by other people’s circumstances, feelings, emotions or perspectives?
Sometimes we blame others for the way we feel but we always have the choice to feel calm inside if we are able to detach ourselves from having to succumb to their demands or making demands on others, which they may not be able to fulfil. It is always necessary to establish a boundary which will determine who is feeling what, otherwise we run the risk of feeling like a little boat in the open sea in the middle of a storm!

By Dr Ana Garcia PhD
July ’2004