F r e e d o m

Can you picture the idea of being 55 years old and having the opportunity to do anything you want? The ability to walk out the front door and look at the beautiful day and look north, then south, then west, and then east...and choose a direction?

To be free from the restrictions set in place by the city, an employer, a wife, or a self-imposed limitation?

No bills. No obligations. Just the ability to drive along slowly...below the speed limit, letting life come to you, and then just savoring the moment...in slow motion?

I am a handyman. I like to remodel homes. I need to improve my ability to mesh with other people. To show and receive love.

If I am on my last quest in this life i am going to go out in style...in my fashion...on a path I choose. I will let me be Wade, and I will invent a new list of different Wades...to wear on my shirt sleeve and ponder.

I will not go out with fear, regret, obligation, failure, disgust, or shame. I will discover and explore. I will blaze a new trail.

The last time I did this I drove too fast and had a goal. That was my mistake. It is time for me to let this world know that I am not conquered or burdened with being normal or wrapped up in a knot. I will be FREE.


Wade

Hello Wade,

Your post came as something of a relief.
We are obviously from different backgrounds, have read different books, and see the world very differently as a fairly predictable result.

For me. reading can be one of two things, simply a succession of words, or a trail of thoughts and pictures which leads me along.
Our disparate world views had so far made your thoughts impenetrable to me, but I'm managing better with this one ... well, we have to have something in common, and when you say, "I am a handyman. I like to remodel homes. I need to improve my ability to mesh with other people. To show and receive love." -- I know exactly what you mean since I can say the same of myself.

I'm fortunate in having the freedoms you describe in your opening lines. It doesn't mean I'm free -- but it does delineate the limits of my abilities.
I'm not free of the need to be loved, so I spend too much time talking to people when I could be listening to them.
Nor am I free from fear when I think of the future.

One thing I have found, is that it's easy to underestimate a stranger, but the more about the person I know, the more I learn about the difficulties they have faced, and the ways they have tried to overcome them, the easier I find it to grow a respect for them, out of which love can emerge.
My own difficulty is that I resemble too closely a particular type of radar equipment I used to work with -- it had a single aerial, which both transmitted and received. That meant it could not receive while it was transmitting.
I have the same problem.

I wonder if we both find relief from the cares of the world by working with our hands, in a creative way.
That's when I disappear, and the world heaves a sigh of relief.

I think age can have much to do with perspectives. I am 55, and I am not afraid to die. If I were younger I would not be carefree and so willing to be homeless and subject to find despair around every corner.

Kerry, you have great talent. I assume you are around my age. I wonder what you are describing exactly when you say working for charity. Is that a voluntary job? I would be more upset if you do not share your writing with the world and hopefully make some profit, than if I cannot find a job. When you combine your talent with your outstanding perspective, then it is a gift you owe to the world.

My options include going to a homeless shelter or becoming a bank robber. Each day I wake up I am thinking about a different option. Bumming for a job was really sucking and i had it all figured out how I would offer a daily or hourly service to upholstery shops, but this time of year there just are no employers willing to do something like that. Typically those shops are poorly run and borderline illegal and would rather work sit around on the floor for a month before they care.

Being in the city is a crappy task if I don't have a home and a job. The city sucks. Traveling around allows me to move in and out of cities as I choose and see different ones. I am hoping to meet some people who have a desire to be around a nice looking old guy who has many talents with his hands. Hell, I can even give golf lessons. I can share wisdom. I can share tears.

I am not afraid to cry. I am not afraid to sleep in my car. All I have to do is survive for 3-4 months and I can get a job anywhere. A homeless shelter would probably offer me the time to share with others, but I am afraid I cannot handle the lack of freedom. I will probably see a shelter before this time is over.

Death would be a blessing, but that is not a choice. I have so much to cry about and I expect I will have a lot of time to think about things like not being able to see my son and all the other mistakes I made. Just the situation of me being an enemy of the state and i didn't even do anything gives me much to think about that is no fun. That is one reason I don't want to hang around here...last time they took me away.

I have literally had angels come to my aid. I had a great time in the psyche ward with the patients who I consider wonderful people, unlike the Secret service agents who kept me confined. I have a hatred that maybe I can shed...concerning men who are dedicated to their job as a covert agent where they have to keep great secrets and always have an excuse to lie and even kill.

The world loves to label me as a nutcase but the Secret Sevice couldn't even find a doctor who would go along with them. They had to keep me in a situation where I had no representation so I would be a prisoner. But the population likes to feel good about themselves and they clutch onto their frail self image that is supported by the ability to not look within.

I tend to think you know much about people, and you have the ability to "touch" the world around you. I defend my beliefs that concern the two main places our souls come from as they incarnate, and I think you came from Heaven which allows us to make choices before we begin this life. I hope you are following your chosen path. I also hope that if you need help to make a choice that you allow that help to come.

My last day online is Friday. I want to thank everyone for tolerating me. I push buttons on purpose, but I crack the illusions that people want in their life. I wish I knew how to bend but not break. But I leave a crack everywhere i go. Being alone just gives me incentive to travel around.

I knew that 5 hour energy was a bad thing when it came out. I am amazed that Sooo many people just want a crutch and overlook the obvious. As a people, we have much to consider. That is why 90% will not be able to stay on the path of light, and will not be able to plan their next life. Kerry, you did make choices, and you do have a plan. Suffering is a tool designed to help influence us to make the right choice.

5 hour energy is not the right choice.

Wade

Safe journey my friend, I give you a gift of my "opinion" to you, and "knowing" to me. Giving and receiving Love does not require another human being. You receive(d) it from LIFE (not life form) and give it back to LIFE, if you can feel this giving and receiving within yourself you will indeed have freedom.
P

I went to a forum called "Is God Imaginary", which is more than half atheists. I have preached Faith, Forgiveness, Love for a while now and I never even thought about saying something like that there.

They want you to provide sources and scientific evidence for all your opinions. That is only if you say something they disagree with. They post by the thousands but they don't say much. It is typically a one word sentence.

If anyone wants a challenge then this is it.

Paul, if I ever have a bad attitude or weak moment in the next few months I will have your message to consider. I have so many good thoughts to keep me going...I don't have time for the bad ones.

It might even be a worthwhile cause to just travel around visiting homeless shelters. This is a journey where I will discover what is next.

My faith is supported by the many knowledgable people who share on a forum like this. Without it, I would be having a big problem right now. Shawn, it is a wonderful effort on your part to donate to the entire world as you do. I had hoped that things would go my way and I could help you, but as usual, I could not do it.

My lifelong problem is that I refuse to lie and I tend to keep no secrets. People run away screaming if you don't keep your mouth shut. They are so fragile and scared. The times I run across a new friend who likes me to share there is always a boss or family member, or landlord or neighbor that overhears and puts a stop to it.

I used to think that only foreign countries were like that, but now I think it is the other way around. We are currently standing up to the government but that is only because we want a better financial deal.

The one person who i inspire with my honesty is worth all the suffering along the way.

Thanks Paul and Shawn, and Kerry and maguru and especially those who were willing to argue a point with me. I am a better person because of it.

Wade

I hope everyone can have the same outlook as you. Often we find that we cannot see outside of our small, daily rhythm of work and home. But what we need to realize is that we are free, and it's just your perception and outlook on life that makes you free.